Feliz Navidad!

Merry Christmas from Mexico! At $15usd/day for wifi I will only be posting a limited amount. The trip has been good so far although it is not always relaxing having kids with you on a trip like this. So far the focus has been on keeping the kids rested, fed and alive rather than on relaxation, lounging and book reading by the pool. We did an outing to the xplor park for zip lining, atving, and cave rafting but most of our time has been spread between life guarding at the beach and life guarding at the pool. The weather has been a very agreeable 28 degrees most days. I will try to upload a few pictures from my big camera a little later but for now the ones of us in our helmets at xplor will have to do.

Bring Back The Trough

One of my fondest memories of going to watch the Canucks at the old Pacific Coluseum in Vancouver as a youngster was going to the bathroom and using 'the trough'. Instead of individual urinals, the bathrooms were fitted with a cool mosaic tile trough that stretched around the entire perimeter of the bathroom with a drain at one end. If you found yourself near the drain end, you could watch a veritable river of pee course past you carrying racing cigarette buts. It was an exciting introduction to Newtons third law of drinking: Every beer you drink must at some point exit your body as urine. This urinal-free system maximized the number of simultaneous users meaning shorter wait times for the bathroom. It seems fans in Winnipeg had the same thing and are lobbying for it's return. Long live the trough!

No Departamento De Emergencias

I had a meeting with Dr. Buie this morning in his clinic. As usual there was a big line up and I was one hour late in getting in to see him. As an experienced user of Alberta Health Care this was no surprise to me. However the man sitting across from me was constantly huffing and puffing and looking at his watch as if that was going to speed things up. I suppose it's logical to think that the medical system works like the rest of the world; you make an appointment and, within reason, you expect to be seen at that time if not before. But that simply is not the case at the hospital. There should be a disclaimer when you are given a time to meet with the doctor: "The time you have been given to meet with your doctor is our best guess. We cannot guarantee this time nor do we take any responsibility for repercussions resulting from a tardy meeting. Please plan to spend at least 3 hours at the hospital for this appointment although the actual meeting may only take 10 minutes. Bring lunch if necessary. Thank you for your understanding." Waiting an hour doesn't even phase me now. I expect it and come prepared to read the paper, look over some emails or listen to some music. It's relaxing actually.

The meeting with Dr. Buie was great. We agreed that the surgery was a success. The drain is out of the bottom end now and the only drain I have left (in the top where my old drain was) is clamped off. So far all the drainage is going into the rectum as planned which means in the new year I could be completely drain free! He volunteered to pull it out today but I suggested we leave it in until January since I'm going to be away in Mexico for a week and on Vancouver island for 10 days between now and then. It's a little bit of insurance. The last thing I want is to find myself in the departamento de emergencias in Cancun on Christmas day. That would not be fun.

Unfortunately as good as I'm doing, the kids are not doing so well. They have both traded off some form of the flu. Carly spent Thursday night ralfing her guts out and missed school on Friday. Andrew seemed fine until last night when he spent the night puking. Carly is a little better at the whole thing. She can feel it coming and can usually manage to get it into a bucket or the toilet. Andrew not so much. He kept walking into our room last night and throwing up on the floor. He would do that, then feel better and help himself to a big glass of water. 20 minutes later that would end up on the floor and the cycle would repeat itself. Poor little guy couldn't understand what was happening. In the end Penny got smart and put some towels down on his chosen puke spot to prevent carpet saturation. It seemed to have worked but may have been too little to late. A thorough steam cleaning is in order. This morning he is doing fine and is happy to be cuddled up with mom on the couch watching a movie.

One week until Mexico and less than two weeks until Christmas. Can't wait!

Dan or Mike, you choose.

Today marks two weeks post-surgery. For the most part I'm back to normal. My biggest complaint is the extra drain I got during the surgery that I have to put up with until Monday. I will restrain myself from providing details that may make the reader nauseous, but suffice it to say I have constant leakage and have become a fan of 'Always', especially the big ones with wings. I go to see Dr. Buie on Monday. At that point he will remove that superfluous drain and it should be back to business as usual.

Andrew and I went to get hair cuts earlier in the week. We go to a barber shop run by a great group of guys from Lebanon. It's always fun and Andrew loves going (they have candy and tv). But for some reason they think my name is Mike when, as you know, my name is Dan. I have attempted to correct them on two occasions but something gets lost in translation. They say "hows it going Mike?" and I say "actually it's Dan". But they just keep on calling me Mike. Maybe I say it too fast or it sounds like something else? It's gone on for so long that it's too late to say anything or correct them outright. Isn't it? One day Andrew will be watching me get my hair cut instead of sucking on his lolly and watching treehouse and when they call me Mike he will be totally confused. How do you explain that one? Then someone will ask him on the street "What's your dad's name?" and his reply will be "Dan or Mike". Huh?

Home

I'm home now. Feeling good but tired. One drain out today, one out in 10 days and last one out who knows when. I'll update more in the next week or 2.

Day Whatever

I thought I might have made it home yesterday but it was not to be. I have to wait for more tests since it is infinitely simpler to schedule them as an inpatient. The tests are the same as always; put some fluid in here and see where it comes out, put some fluid in there and see if it comes out. Then wait and wait. I should be home today one way or another. I have no pain just a little discomfort. Sitting is hard but I can walk and lie down fine. Sleeping is hard In the hospital with all the comings and goings at all hours and a thin plastic mattress that promotes sweating and has some form of artificial intelligence that tells it to inflate or deflate at seemingly random intervals throughout the night. I think it's built to reduce the frequency of bedsores in non-ambulatory patients by changing the pressure points but for people like me who are mobile it's just annoying.
So now I wait for more tests and surf the Internet. I guess life could be a lot worse!

Day 3

I think I'm hung over from all the narcotics I've had over the past 2 days. Headache and mild nausea all day. I got a day pass to leave for a few hours. Penny and the kids picked me up and we met Sandi at the bookstore for a coffee and to pick up a copy of "Never Leave Your Wing Man" a book by a cancer survivor from Saskatchewan. Her and her husband were in town promoting their book and signing copies. It was good to chat, meet her and her husband and hang out with the family. Now I'm back in my bed in the Hospital getting some antibiotics and waiting to see what the chef has prepared for supper. I'm hoping for roast chicken and cous cous but I'm sure I'll get some meat surprise and powdered mash like usual. Dr Buie stopped by and we had a short chat. He said things were on track for a Monday sineogram. Tonight, the plan is to do a little reading and watch a movie but feel free to stop by if you have nothing to do.

Day 2

Woke up this morning to a video text from Andrew saying "good morning daddy!". I'm feeling pretty good now and even had half a piece of toast and some OJ. I think I will get up and go for a walk around this morning before Penny and Andrew come for a visit. One foot in front of the other!

Walk

11:48, just got up for my first walk half naked in front of 6 nurses. Definitely not looking my best but feeling decent. More walking to come tomorrow.

He is Out and Recovering

Suppose it's ironic that for the 5 seconds I'm away from my phone... nature calls... Buie calls. Anyways, for those of you that are thinking of Dan today, wanted to let you all know he is out of surgery and awake. According to Dr. Buie, everything went really well. The stoma is now permanent and the best news was they were able to access the abscess from inside. There's a great possibility now that Dan will no longer have a drain, and can stop the antibiotics he's been on constantly for a year. This is GREAT news. I'm sure Dan will post something soon.

Interventional Radiology

I got in to see the IR docs today and they placed 2 drains successfully. One will stay and one will come out tomorrow during the surgery. The procedure wasn't bad, pretty fast and good drugs. I have to be in the hospital at 05:30 tomorrow for phase 2. Hopefully it goes as well as phase 1. Looking forward to having all this behind me. More updates to come tomorrow.

Genetic Update and Monkey. Seriously?

It's been a while since I last posted and their has been a lot going on.

Last week I got a call from my genetic counsellor at the childrens hospital to discuss the latest testing that was done on my tumor. Up to that point she had done two tests to determine if my cancer was caused by any know genetic mutation or inherited gene, but the results showed that no, that was not the case. There was one more test to do for a gene that is known to be the cause of colon cancer in less than 5% of the cases. The results were interesting. It turns out that I am a carrier of this recessive gene. BUT while I am a carrier I only carry one copy of the gene, not the two required to make this the cause of my cancer. That means that at least one of my parents is a carrier. In order to pass an active form of the disorder on to my kids, they would have to inherit one copy of the gene from me and one from Penny. So, the next step is to get Penny tested to see if she is a carrier. If she is then there would be a 1/4 chance that one of the kids would have the active condition. Bottom line: This isn't the cause of my cancer but more testing will be done on Penny to see if she is a carrier. If she is not a carrier then the worst that can happen is that Carly or Andrew could be a carrier. Clear as mud?

This is surgery week. As of lunch hour on Tuesday I am still waiting to hear back from Dr. Buie's office to see if I can go in early Wednesday and have the wire placed into my abscess. I'm thinking that since I haven't heard anything yet and my surgery is just around the corner, the chances of something happening with interventional radiology are remote at best. BUT I never count Dr. Buie out. Who knows? He might have a secret plan up his sleeve.

My Movember moustache effort is going well as you can see from the picture above. If you haven't had a chance to donate, it's not too late. You can visit my Movember page to see some pictures and make a donation.

Also, this article was in the Globe online edition today. It details the top 25 most hacked passwords. What's with number six?

1) password
2) 123456
3) 12345678
4) qwerty
5) abc123
6) monkey
7) 1234567
8) letmein
9) trustno1
10) dragon
11) baseball
12) 111111
13) iloveyou
14) master
15) sunshine
16) ashley
17) bailey
18) passw0rd
19) shadow
20) 123123
21) 654321
22) superman
23) qazwsx
24) michael
25) football

ER wait times online!

Between cancer and kids I spend a lot of time with doctors. Often when you need a doctor quickly the only option is going into the ER. This summer, Alberta Health Services started a new page on their website where you can find real-time wait times for all of the Emergency and Urgent Care centres in the city. It's a great resource and a good way to save time if you need to see a doctor. I'll post the link in my "other links" bar on the right hand side of the blog should you need to know wait times in the future. Overall a great move by AHS to make health care a little more accessible to Albertans.

Surgery Date!

Carly, choir outfit, originally uploaded by DPC Tutt.

I finally got a confirmed surgery date today. I will go in on Thursday November 24th. Of course that could change if the interventional radiologists are busy the day before... At least I have a date to make plans around now. 3 weeks to get things sorted.

Movember - It's On!

Please support me in fighting prostate cancer this Movember! HERE is my personal movenber page where you can make a donation and check out the progress of this year's upper lip sweater.

Dr. Buie

I saw Dr. Buie in his clinic yesterday at the hospital to discuss the upcoming surgery. Stop reading now if you don't want to know every lASSt detail of the plan.

The plan, as discussed before, is to make my ileostomy permanent in the hope that it will reduce the fequency of infection at my drain site and also perhaps eliminate the need to be on antibiotics constantly. As an added measure he will also talk to interventional radiology to see if they would attempt to place a wire down my drain, into the abscess, throught the fistula and into what is left of my rectum (I have a feeling that might not be too fun). If they could do that the day before surgery, and leave the wire in place, Dr. Buie might be able to trace the path of the wire up from the rectum. He could then insert a dilator and enlarge that opening with the hope that the abscess would then drain right into my rectum and posibly alleviate the need for a drain altogether. I'm not sure I'm so keen on having a wire in there for a day before surgery but I sure like the idea of not having a drain anymore. We'll have to see if the interventional radiologists will attempt it.

As for a date, I don't have one yet but Dr. Buie said he would have the surgery done before the end of the month so that I would have ample time to recover before heading to Cancun for Christmas. I have a feeling the surgery will take place closer to the end of the month than the beginning but it could be any time after this week. I can't wait to have it all behind me and sip on a pina colada on Christmas morning.

Tablet Upgrade

Can't sleep?

Self Explanatory

Fighting Foo

Tonight at the dome...

The Squeaky Wheel Gets... A $2200 Bill?

Exploring a Cave, originally uploaded by DPC Tutt.

I've been meaning to take the Suburban in for an oil change for a while but when it developed an ominous squeak last weekend the matter became more pressing. I finally got it in today. When the guy called me back to tell me news he opened the conversation with "Your truck sure has some issues!". That's not good. In the end I needed new brakes all around, new tires all around, a new water pump, all new belts, and of course the oil change. Full bill was $2200 and he wasn't even sure that would take care of the squeak...

On the happier side I finally got an appointment with Dr. Buie for Monday. I'm sure at that point I'll sign a consent and find out a surgery date. Stay tuned.

All Blacks Win World Cup

The All Blacks won their second rugby world cup this weekend. I think my favorite moment was after the game. Their captain Ritchie McCaw was being interviewed and when asked something like "How do you feel?", his reply was "Aww mate I'm absolutely shagged". I think the New Zealand - Canada translation might be "Well buddy, I couldn't be happier".

Anyways, it was a great game. Congratulation NZ on the victory.

Nuts

At some point, every male learns a universal truth: It hurts when you get hit in the nuts. Some learn earlier than others, but eventually we all learn the eye-watering-hunched-over-breath-taking truth. Some of us learn through personal experience while others learn by watching the unfortunate exploits of others.

The other day, Andrew was trying to get my attention. I was busy talking with Penny and cooking supper at the time so I was most definitely preoccupied. When whining didn't work he moved on to whining and tapping me on the leg. When that didn't work he moved on to whining louder and hitting me on the leg. When one of his attention-seeking hits scored a direct hit on my "batteries" he was pleased to find that he had my full, undivided attention. My reaction was one of surprise mixed with pain with humorous undertones. Because we all know that as much as being hit in the junk always hurts, it is also almost always funny. So to get my attention with a scowl and a smile at the same time was his wish coming true.

Since that time, Andrew intermittently remembers my reaction and tries to repeat it. Sometimes his lack of a poker face gives him away and I am able to take cover before impact but other times he surprises me in a decidedly unpleasant way. I am now constantly on the lookout for sneak crotch attacks from my three year old. There is no telling when they will come. In fact yesterday at his music class he got me and then told the whole class that "Sometimes I hit my daddy in the penis". That got a good bit of laughter from everyone there as well as the teacher.

I guess the only thing to do is wait this ball busting phase out. For while he doesn't feel the same pain now, one day he will. And while I hate to see Andrew in pain, there is no doubt in my mind that when the day comes that he takes one in the berries, I will be there to sympathize, but don't be surprised if I have a little smile on my face at the same time.

Sleep Talking Man

Some blogs are good, some are bad, some are ok. This one is unique and very very funny. Please have a look. http://sleeptalkinman.blogspot.com/

Tuesday Morning

Tuesday morning. I'm feeling a little closer to normal now, although I can't seem to get enough sleep. My infusion pump is a bit of a pain to carry around all the time. The acyclovir seems to be working since my headache is gone but I feel silly carrying it around in a fanny pack 24/7. I may try to go back to work this afternoon and see how that goes. Thanks for all the concern and caring comments over these past few weeks.

After much delay and despair I sold my Canada vs New Zealand rugby tickets online this past weekend. I really wanted to go but so many things conspired to make it impractical. I sold them to two Canadian girls who went to Wellington only to find the game sold out. They seem happy to have the tickets so I don't feel too bad. I just wish it was me...

I was in charge of getting the kids off to school today. In the end Penny helped me out. Even with her help Carly still missed her bus and I'm only about 50% sure that Andrew is wearing underwear. Good times.

Kentucky Fried Chicken Pox

There is a light at the end of the tunnel tonight.

Firstly, I feel MUCH better, pretty much normal in fact. I still have a slight headache and some fatigue but it's nothing compared to what I came in here with on Saturday.

I met with the infectious disease team here at the Foothills Hospital today and they were able to shed some light on my current predicament. Apparently the viral meningitis that I have was caused by some sort of reactivation of the chicken pox virus that I got as a child. I guess once you've had it you always have it and carry it around for the rest of your life like that "participant" ribbon you got for grade 4 track and field. I suppose it saw an opportunity to get back into the action with my recent chemo-induced immune-suppressed state so it headed up to the periphery of my brain to party. For some people a reactivation of the chicken pocks virus shows up as shingles and for others, meningitis.

The plan for me now is to go home tomorrow (it feels like I've been her forever!). I need to stay on the anti-viral acyclovir for another 2 weeks so first thing tomorrow I will meet with home care and the pharmacy and get set up for a pump and some IV drugs to take with me so I can go home and not sit around the hospital for a fortnight bored to death. At this point I will be ready for my release back into society having paid my debt to the great chicken pock (may he fry somewhere in 11 secret herbs and spices).

Back in the Hospital: This Time... Viral Meningitis

I still hate the hospital. But at least this time I'm in a brand new, private room.

Penny brought me in on Saturday evening after I suffered through a day with the worst headache I'd ever had. It was so bad I was vomiting. The pain radiated down my neck into my upper back. I couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't move. In the ER I got into a bed quickly but didn't seen doctor for 5 hours! When I finally did see the doctor I got pain meds and a CT scan of my noggin. The CT scan was clean (no cancer in the brain!) and showed no bleeding or inflammation. To rule out meningitis they did a lumbar puncture and drained a little fluid. While it did not show any signs of bacterial infection, it did contain some white blood cells which I'm told is indicative of a viral infection. Viral meningitis it is! So, I got moved to an isolation room and put on some heavy duty antibiotics. Since then things have improved slowly but I have barfed more times in the last 24 hours than I care to remember. I am sitting now in a super duper brand new isolation room in unti 64 in the Mcaig tower at the foothills hospital. I'm feeling much better now (headache now 5/10 for pain) and for the first time feel able to talk on the phone and pick up my iPad. I haven't seen my doctor yet today so I don't have a plan but I get the feeling that I will be here for some time.

Who Gets a $200 Parking Ticket?

I do. That's who.

I went to my men's group this morning and parked on a residential street. There was 2 hr parking all along the street even where I parked. But when I left the car and double checked the sign I failed to notice that in addition to the 2hr parking sign, there was also a handicapped parking sign. So when I got back to the car I had a little surprise waiting for me in the form of some paperwork from the Calgary Parking Authority. It was my own fault but that didn't stop the incident from ruining my morning. Isn't $200 a little excessive?

The Doctor Is (going) In.

On Monday I had my first meeting with Dr. Buie, my colorectal surgeon, in almost a year. As I detailed in a previous post, I booked this appointment after my latest round of chemo and the subsequent infection of my abscess that followed. We wanted to discuss options for a surgical solution to the problem of this recurring infection. While antibiotics seem to keep the worst of it at bay, it would be best if I could minimize the frequency and duration of the infectious episodes so that my body can concentrate on fighting the cancer. We came up with three possibilities for surgery that could meet our goals.

Option one is the least invasive and in the end, the one that we chose. It entails converting my loop ileostomy to a permanent ileostomy. As it stands now I have an intact intestinal tract but all my stool leaves my body from a loop of small bowel that comes to the surface at my stomach. The loop has a slit in it and the contents empty into a bag. The problem with this is that it is designed for people who will regain complete colon funtion and eventually have it reversed. In my case this might have happened early on but with the complications (abscess/drain issues) this will never happen for me. With a loop ileostomy, if the bag fills up, the pressure build up can force stool or gas into my large intestine and rectum. This, in turn, gets forced into my abscess carrying with it bacteria and causes infections. With a permanent ileostomy, it is presupposed that no stool or gas would enter the lower bowel or the abscess and hence the frequency of infection would decrease. The surgery is short and simple and would required minimal recovery time. The chance of adverse side effects or complications is minimal.

The second option would be to convert my temporary loop ileostomy to a permanent colostomy. This would require entering into the abdomen (big surgery) to bring a portion of the large intestine to the surface forming a colostomy. Essentially this has the same benefits as option one (no stool or gas passing into the lower colon/rectum/abscess) but is a more invasive surgery with a longer recovery time and a higher chance of adverse side effects or complications.

When I asked Dr Buie what he would do for someone in my situation that was completely healthy, he told me about option three. For this case he would do a highly invasive, complicated surgery in tandem with another colorectal surgeon. He would convert me to a permanent ileostomy (or colostomy - my choice) but remove all the remaining colon, most of the rectum, and all of the infected abscess tissue. This option holds the best chance of permanently removing the risk of infection from the abscess but it also carries the most risk. A surgery of this magnitude would entail an extensive recovery period in and out of the hospital. It also carries the most risk of damage to existing structures in the pelvis. The amount of scar tissue there would make it hard to separate the good tissues and nerves from the infected ones. It is very likely that this surgery would result in bladder and erectile dysfunction. The recovery from this surgery and it's likely side effects and complications would very likely interfere with my ability to do chemotherapy and would focus my body's energy on recovery rather than fighting the disease.

So after some discussion, Penny and I landed on option number one. It has the best risk/reward balance of them all. In addition to option one, during the surgery Dr. Buie would look at the abscess from the bottom end and attempt to see the connection between the rectum and abscess. If he can see it he would try to enlarge it so that the fluids in the abscess cavity can drain freely into the rectum. This flow would also serve to discourage bacteria in the rectum from entering the abscess.

Timing for the surgery would be pretty soon. I would have a sineogram this week or next and follow up with Dr. Buie in his clinic shortly after that. Then we could book surgery as soon as he gets OR time and get this thing done. I would guess at a four to six week time frame but that is just a guess. I'm feeling good now and am looking forward to getting this thing done!

Happy Wedding Rod and Sue!

On September 10 Penny's brother Rod got married. They had the wedding at River Cafe on Prince's island in downtown Calgary. We all had a fantastic time and the whole thing went off without a hitch. Congratulations Rod and Sue!

Anniversaries

On September 6th 2003 Penny and I got married. Five years later on the same date I was hospitalized and later diagnosed with cancer. So, this time of the year obviously brings mixed emotions. I think it was also about this time a year ago that I found out the median survival for someone with my cancer at this stage is 18 months. The roller coaster of life continues and I have only this to say:

Happy anniversary wife and screw you cancer!

"Daddy I'm going to fly over there to you"

Stupidly, my response to that statement was "Ok". At this time Andrew was on the bar stool at the bar having his cereal. I was standing near-ish when he made the statement but wasn't really paying attention. He then proceeded to leap off the stool towards me with superman-like form. A few milliseconds later, gravity kicked in and he landed on his face, on the floor and his legs flipped over his back and he basically kicked himself in the back of the head. He was stunned at first, then he cried, then he explained how he was trying to fly over and get daddy but it didn't work. Some things you just can't teach, trial and error does a much better job. I think this falls into the category of "epic fail".

Back Home

Bed operator, originally uploaded by DPC Tutt.

I busted out of the hospital last night just before supper time after we got the results of the blood cultures and drain culture back. The blood cultures were clean but the drain culture showed one bug living in there that probably wouldn't be killed by the antibiotics I was taking before. So I got released with a new antibiotic to take and plans to stay off chemo for at least 2 more weeks while this infection gets under control.

While I was there I also got the results from my latest CT scan which was good! There is basically no change cancer-wise in the past 2 months. All my mets are stable and there is nothing new. The radiologist did mention that there was some inflammation along the track of my drain with associated "inflammatory infiltrates" (I think he made that phrase up) and a small pocket of air. This combined with a new bug in the drain fluid was likely the cause of my sepsis last week.

So now we wait some more for the antibiotics to do their thing. I meet with Lupichuck on September 9th and Buie on September 12th to discuss surgical options and chemotherapy plans. Until then I plan to get back to work a bit and enjoy what's left of summer, hopefully from home and not from the hospital.

Foothills ER trip

I'm back in the hospital. I came up here Friday on what I thought was just a casual visit to see if any of my doctors or nurses were around. The hope was that I would run into someone I knew, who would of course have a simple solution to my infection problem that could be put into action right away. Unfortunately it didn't quite play out that way.

Once I got here I looked around for Dr Lupichuck who was supposed to be in clinic that day. At the reception desk I was informed that she was away on holiday and both her nurses (who are familiar with my case) were also not in that day. My backup plan was to call Dr Buie's office and try to secure a render-vous with him. When I phoned his office I got the machine and left a message. I guess while I was on the phone leaving the message with Dr. Buie I was wandering around the hospital. When I hung up, I found myself standing in the waiting area for the ER. There were only a couple of people in the chairs so I thought I would just walk up the triage window and see what the wait time was. So I walked up, changed my mind on the fly, and just said I wanted to see a doctor. I got an indirect answer to the wait time issue when I was guided straight out of triage, down the hall and into bed 33 in the ER.

From there one thing let to another and I eventually saw the medical oncologist on-call. He was glad I came in and after a bit of waiting around, got me started on IV antibiotics. We talked some more and decided that I should be admitted so that I could continue the iv antibiotics for a couple of days while we waited for the results from the blood and drain cultures. I have since moved up to unit 47 (intensive palliative care) where the rooms are nice and big, there is a nice lounge, and the food is served hot from a cart, not trucked in from a Burmese hovel like the rest of the hospital.

So, it looks like I'm here for another day, then it should be home with some antibiotics and back to the regular life. There's no way I'm doing chemo this week. The prospect of having an enjoyable week is uplifting.

Infection

in·fec·tion

noun /inˈfekSHən/  infections, plural The process of infecting or the state of being infected - strict hygiene will limit the risk of infection An infectious disease - a chest infection The presence of a virus in, or its introduction into, a computer system

Signs and symptoms

• Extreme fatigue which may be ongoing for more than 2–3 months
• Continued weight loss
• Low grade or spiking fever
• Night sweats and chills
• Vague body aches and pain

I can't sleep. I remember one of the original symptoms when I first had this infection was insomnia so the fact that I'm awake at 3:45am is another sign that this stupid thing is acting up. I'm going to show up at the hospital tomorrow and see if I can beg to see my oncologist on her clinic day even though I don't have an appointment. I'm hoping she will have some suggestions about possible options to get me past this thing. Maybe we can do a swab and see what's growing. Maybe it's some new little nasty bug that has colonized my insides and is having a party? If it is, that might explain why the antibiotics are becoming less effective. Maybe I will also be able to see my colon guy, Dr Buie and pick his brain on this stuff too. I would just really like someone to come up with an answer because this not sleeping thing is beginning to get annoying.

Jack Layton's "Fight"

This is from Tuesdays Globe and Mail. I have more to say on this but Penny is asleep next to me and I don't want to wake her up tap tap tapping away on my iPad. Have a read.

Did Jack Layton die from cancer because he didn’t fight the disease hard enough?

Of course not.

Why, then, did so many headlines and social media messages spreading news of his passing Monday morning at age 61 announce that he had lost a battle with cancer?

Even Prime Minister Stephen Harper, in his statement about the opposition leader’s death, noted that Mr. Layton “gave his fight against cancer everything he had,” and that he “never backed down from any fight.”It’s a common cliché, one many of us use when talking about a disease that is often feared and rarely understood.

But to those touched directly by cancer, equating the illness with a war against the enemy, fighting an adversary, or suffering in order to survive can diminish understanding of the challenges and complexities faced by patients and their families.

“The idea that he was waging a battle which he lost demeans him,” said Robert Buckman, a medical oncologist at Princess Margaret Hospital in Toronto. “I absolutely feel that he did not lose to an adversary.”

Many oncologists and cancer patients have been pushing in recent years for a change in the well-meant, but often misguided words and phrases that have become ingrained in the cancer lexicon.

The outpouring of emotion over Mr. Layton’s death provides an opportunity to ask whether it’s time to move beyond the militaristic metaphors and clichés.

A significant problem is that most of the common words and phrases we use to describe the experiences of people who have been diagnosed with cancer imply that personal will and self-control play a large part in determining who will live or die.

To say Mr. Layton lost his fight implies he had a say over his fate.

“He didn’t choose any of that any more than I could have chosen the colour of my eyes: It’s that arbitrary,” Dr. Buckman said. “It’s a much more mature and helpful comment to say this man, faced with a rotten hand of cards, as it were, really gave meaning to his life and to what he did in his life.”

London-based writer Mike Marqusee, who has discussed his experiences with multiple myeloma in several pieces in The Guardian, says cancer has little to do with battle. “The [emphasis] on cancer patients’ ‘bravery’ and ‘courage’ implies that if you can’t ‘conquer’ your cancer, there’s something wrong with you, some weakness or flaw,” Mr. Marqusee wrote in 2009. “If your cancer progresses rapidly, is it your fault? Does it reflect some failure of willpower?”

Similarly, saying someone who is now cancer-free is a “survivor” conveys that he or she is somehow better than the people who didn’t make it, said Peter Ellis, staff medical oncologist at the Juravinski Cancer Centre in Hamilton, Ont.

“It does set up a battle with a winner and a loser, and I think that some people certainly think that there would be better ways of talking about this,” said Dr. Ellis, who is also an associate professor in the department of oncology at McMaster University.

Instead of fixating on the idea of a cancer battle, Dr. Ellis and a growing number of experts in the field say, it is more important to focus on learning to live with cancer.

For those undergoing treatment, this can be much more empowering than the idea they can somehow control the ultimate outcome if they fight hard enough.

It is the attitude that gets Barb Rowe-Bennett through each day. The 64-year-old Toronto resident, who has had cancer off and on for nearly 20 years, is in the last stages of palliative care after her breast cancer metastasized, or spread, to her bones and lungs.

The medication she is taking keeps her comfortable and enables her to leave the house, spend time with family and enjoy each day as it comes.

Ms. Rowe-Bennett doesn’t see herself as a “survivor” even though she has managed to outlast the cancer thus far; nor does she feel she has been cursed by bad luck because the disease is still with her.

“I just feel that cancer is an interference in your life, and you have a choice of making it good or bad,” she said. “You can bring yourself down, and it can be the worst of the worst, or you can say ‘I can carry on, I will deal with [it] on a daily basis.’ ”

One Foot in Front of the Other

I don't know what happened but something definitely was not right these past few days. Just when I was supposed to be recovering from chemo, I got worse. Headaches, nausea, chills, sweats, fever and intense fatigue. I'm sure it was a flare up of the same drain/abscess issue I've been dealing with since day one. In a bid to self diagnose and medicate (I find myself doing this often now - for better or worse) I switched antibiotics, tried to keep hydrated, slept and just generally felt like crap all the while debating the merits of spending a night at the Foothills Hospital hotel. I seem to be better today but the experience has re-awakened me to the pitfalls of a chemo-induced suppressed immune system. It has made me value the time away from chemo that I had this summer. I'm not sure if I'll be in good enough shape to get back on the horse next Tuesday but we'll see. Until then it's one foot in front of the other.