Cancer is when our own bodies betray us. How do you fight that? How do you fix what's broken without casualties within your body? 10 inches of colon, 60% of a liver, there will be more.
Our weapon against cancer is chemo. We have no cure, no immunization against all cancers, we have chemo. A weapon we can only use once cancer has had a head start and caused it's damage. Our weapon is like a grenade. Destroy all and the good can grow back.
In a way I feel like this is just getting started. All the appointments, radiation, infections, surgeries, butt drains, all of it was training for chemotherapy. What an oxymoron. A chemical designed to kill, coupled with the word therapy. BADGOOD. That about sums it up. You just don't know how to feel.
I came to a realization this time around while Dan was in the hospital. Cancer striking Dan has been very personal to me, naturally. It's so hard sometimes not to own it as though it were my own. It's as close to being my cancer without being my cancer as it can be. I can't think of anything else like this. Friends and family ask questions and I want to answer. Doctors make decisions and I want to challenge them. I'm constantly wanting to take over, because it's my cancer I own it. But I don't. At times this can be the most frustrating 'seat' in the world. Front row and centre, but I wouldn't want to be anywhere else.
3 comments:
Well put. I'm glad you're around to challenge the doctors and help answer the questions. I wouldn't want anyone else by my side during this battle.
Well said - both of you. You guys make a great team. I would hope that if I ever got sick that Brent would challenge the doctors on my behalf. That's not easy to do and it takes a strong person to be able to do that. I'm sure when you are the sick one, that's the kind of person you need in your corner because finding the strength to do that on your own would be very difficult.
Penny,
Dan is very lucky to have you. I was lucky to have my husband Ray. I just read your blog to him. I know he felt the same - when I cried he cried, when I hurt he hurt - it was our family's cancer because my children and Ray lived through it also.
Take care of yourself.
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