Wednesday, June 23, 2010
How do we live here?
How do we live here? Of course I don't mean "here" as in Calgary or "here" as in Canada, I mean here as in "How do we live here in this constant state of absolute emotional disarray?". It's no secret I'm sure that Penny and I (and a lot of our friends and family too) have been living in a constant state of zombie-like disquietude over the past couple of days. Emotions slip quickly from angry to sad to frightened and back again within minutes. The end of the day brings relief from the ongoing emotional battle and a deep dreamless sleep that doesn't ever seem to bring all the energy back. Friends and family have been tremendously supportive and helpful in these past few days but that hardly seems like a long term fix. In actual fact, what will happen is these few days of crazy will blend into weeks and then into months and soon we will arrive at a new normal. We did it before with the initial diagnosis, and again when I had to learn to live with an ileostomy. My only hope is that we can find some happiness as a family in this upcoming 'new normal'. We could sure use it.
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9 comments:
Dan and Penny, I don't know what to say at a time like this. I think that you are both amazingly brave, and lucky to have found each other. I pray everyday that a miracle will stop at your house and life will be perfect again. Keeping fighting, and we will keep praying for you and your family. Bev and Jeremy
Dan & Penny:
I have bbeen thinking about you constantly! My heart goes out to you. I am praying for you all daily. I can't imagine the emotional roller-coaster you are both on. I will keep you in my thoughts. You are both such amazing, honest, brave, extraordinary people. Sending you love prayers and hope for moments of soon-to-be "happiness as a fam" amongst all of this.
Ade
Dan and Penny,
On Tuesday, I shared your news with a friend who has been touched by cancer. Later that day she called to share a story about bumping into an old school-mate that afternoon and it turned out she is a cancer survivor, against all odds! What a coincidence to hear that on the same day. Later in the evening she called me again to tell me another story about an acquaintance. She just heard that he'd survived cancer and beat the odds as well. I truly believe it's a sign!
I can't imagine how hard this roller coaster is for you all. I hope you can find some good, some happiness, and lots of positivity, in your 'new normal'. Big hugs and kisses, love Josephine xoxoxox
Dan and Penny
I am so dam sorry to hear your news, I think and pray for you all the time. I always look for you when I am at the TBCC.
I know it may not sense now but you are a strong, kind and funny man and this itself will give you the stretgh to do what needs to be done.
If there is anything that I can do just name and I will be there.
Hug your wife and kids and continue to find the joys in life.
Always in my heart and thoughts.
xoxoKelly Anne
Dan & Penny,
Just wanted to let you know we are all thinking of you and your family and sending lots of love.
The Symes Family
xoxo
My sister passed away three years ago, from Cancer. I am aware of the anticipatory grief you are going through. Dan, I relate to the feelings and despair.
At the funeral the priest talked about going to priest school. While he was there he walked past a headstone, with the words,"Only God knows why".
Powerful words.
Melanie Jimmy
Dan & Penny,
Nothing about your family's journey over the past 2 years is normal. It sucks that it has become your normal. I am so sorry for your pain, confusion, fear, and sadness. I wish there was a magic elixir to take it all away. One thing I know is true: you have an incredible love and an amazing family. The four of you WILL find your way.
We had so much fun visiting with the four of you this week. Thank you for spending the afternoon with us! Take care "lady".
Lots of hugs,
Heidi
Hello Dan and family,
I was forwarded your blog from Monique Zizzy who has been following your story/life for a while. I just wanted to say that I'm very sorry to hear of this news. I wish you and your family all the happiness and miracles that are possible.
Jennifer Wiens
Wishing you space and moments of being totally present and removed from any pain, anger, sadness. Finding joy now is more important than ever. We love you guys so much. Gill, James, Em and Jamie
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